Nu Sin - Wrong Way

It’s time once again to do some blogging. It can be therapeutic, and at the same time addictive.

I realized that when I started admitting to myself that I do have a crush on wrong way (RW), I … became a jealous person. I used to be just mum whenever he gets to swoon over ladies, but now, I get a bit infuriated. I’m beginning to see that he’s breaking out of his shell (he’s not stoic, but he can be a tad clueless). It’s just that I mistook his kindness for something else. Clearly, it is unfair for him, and for me.

I want to be with him, hold his hand when he’s happy, hug when he’s down, kiss him when he’s being romantic, sex him when he’s lusting and so much more. All these things, I do not think I can ever do, as he is different from me. He’s mainstream, I’m unconventional, gender specifications wise. I am not, in any way, supposed to exude this kind of emotions as he is no more than my business partner. Sure, there are times when business partners discuss things other than business per se but I really respect him and his tutelage for me, it’s just that my heart can’t distinguish romance from kindness. Sad but true.

My jealousy, going back to it, is a new sin that I have acquired, yet another mortal sin the Roman Catholic Church has named. Tragically, my lust has not faded, at least not yet, so that makes me guilty of 2 mortal sins. I should work on jealousy first as it is brand-new, maybe it can be curbed until it has vanished altogether, or maybe just not entertain it.

What I’m feeling right now, takes me back to the days when I was madly in love with Leon. I wanted to be with Leon but our domicile locations make it kind of impossible, I’m urban, he’s rural. I wanted to give him everything I have, and I think it includes my body. To this day, the sight of Leon still makes my heart skip a beat, but I rarely see him, unlike RW.

It might come to a point where I have to choose either Leon or RW, as my heart beats for both of them. With Leon, it can be a little more carnal than RW’s whilst it’s more romance than lust for RW. Although, I think I can infuse a bit of romance with Leon and a little libido surge with RW. I’m in love with both of them, it’s just that since RW is more present, my heart beats for him even more, however, I have a bigger chance with Leon than with RW. This comparison is unnecessary, really.

I still wish I could be with RW, even for a short time. Just have his heart for a short while, and him have mine. That would be great. I don’t know what true love is, as I’ve never experienced it before, I’d like to but I may find myself in deeper trouble than I already am, at least, basing my concept of true love as something romantic from another man. But if one day, Leon would take me away, to be with him, to share his life to me, I might … give it to him, as I know, RW is straight, and I’ll never be enough for him. Just the fact that he believes in me is enough, at least I know we have a connection, a purely business one.

Ever-Lust-ing

The portmanteau may give you a clue as to what i'll write about. Lust, one of the seven deadly sins the Catholic Church named. It means excessive desire for sex and its many decadent yet pleasurable variations.

With lust comes a fancy sexual fetish that tickles your senses into concocting unlikely situations that's enough to pump up anyone's hidden eroticism. As forbidden as it is, it occurs, and they come at the intersection of right time and stimulating vivid sexual thoughts. Because of this clandestine yet seductive emotion bursts, the pornography industry, both heterosexual and homosexual, has capitalized on it and has mainstreamed the once-intimate scenario. Truly, sex sells.

I myself have my own lustful thoughts and as much as I'd like to combat and avoid entertaining it, maybe discussing it can alleviate it's seducing power to overtake me. Let me discuss mine. I have a somewhat strange but erotically strong fetish over taxi drivers, those young, hot and with machismo and libido oozing out of them. Thinking about having sex with turns me on so much, that when I take the cab/taxi, I imagine myself flirting with the driver and seducing him into going in some motel along EDSA and getting laid...in the afternoon. To be honest, there's one time I took the cab and the driver met the criteria I mentioned earlier (young, hot and with machismo and libido oozing out of him), he was cute apart from that and his dark moreno skin made him a little more desirable. The thing that dissuaded me (a little bit) from him was that he overcharged me. Anyways, my horno-meter went berserk when he kept telliong me, while we were in EDSA that he was sleepy. To be honest, I thought, hey, you should take me to my destination first before you go doze off. I also thought that this could bh a very subtle invitation to that illicit but pushing-the-envelope type of one-afternoon-stand sex. I thought of it after some time but I didn't entertain it because the taxi driver could be straight and if I pounce on him, he might throw me out of his taxi, in the middle of traffic EDSA.

Sometimes when I'm alone I imagine the scenario of a male passenger and male taxi driver, the surge of homoerotic wave awashing them, taxi driver sublty touches his crotch, passenger enticed to touch his, or the taxi driver's, they look straight to the eye: they agree to take a detour to some motel and then do the homosexual deed: both guys take off their clothes till they're barenaked, discreet passenger grabs the horny taxi driver's flaccid dick, taking it into his mouth, eating it like a Christmas pixie candy, the taxi driver loves that his stick is getting cleaned. Taxi driver's dick gets big and hard, his cock wanting more saliva and tongue action, passenger gives what taxi driver wants, both are lost in passion, he blows, he moans. Taxi driver's cock is really hard and wants to penetrate passenger's tight booty, passenger eats taxi driver's juicy balls, licks it like round lollipops, playing it on his mouth with his tongue, taxi driver loves the hedonistic adoration on his genitals, taxi driver's really horny now and wants to do some penetration. Passenger concedes but lubes up the hairy and hard bursting pipe, puts on rubber (proftection y'all). Taxi driver bores into passenger's butt, passenger finds it painful but begins to take pleasure of the drilling action. Passenger moans with delight, licking his own lips, taxi driver is lost in sexual euphoria, his masculinity is bolstered by his dominance over the passenger. He controls the trip and passenger takes his ride, taxi driver controls the spped of the trip and passenger has got to hold on to keep up. Taxi driver plows his cock in the passengers ass deeper like digging gold. Passenger digs it, the tightness that is rudely broken by the taxi driver, slowly giving way. Taxi driver reaches home stretch while passenger plays his own hardened cock, synchronizing his nirvana trip with the taxi drivers', both are now in the heavens, completely lost in erotic utopia and upon reaching nirvana, taxi driver's seeds were sown, followed by the passengers'. They come with a passionate (and plenty of) explosion, seeds sown off everywhere, from the motel's bed to their own sizzling bodies.

Both clean up, both go to the bathroom, wash off the seeds sown, but passenger hasn't had enough, passenger wants to do some more pipe cleaning, taxi driver obliges, taxi driver is once again swept by passion, his manhood tells it, passenger just can't get enough of the bursting pipe. Passenger eats the footlong with a passion, taxi driver gets hard again, his areolas get erect, the cold water running through his body offsets his own heat, passenger cleans some more, salivating, maximizing the length of taxi driver's manhood, eating his orbs like two century eggs, taxi driver once again reaches for the stars and sows his seed in passenger's food receiver. Passenger loves the manjuice he was fed with, both cleaned up for good, put on their clothes, takes the cab and off they went to passenger's destination. While on trip, passenger touches taxi driver's manbulge, taxi driver likes it, he loves the fact that his masculinity is given its proper adoration, taxi driver gets hard again but it ends there as passenger reaches his destination. There will be a next time, there will be, passenger before getting off the taxi got taxi driver's number, they'll go to utopia next time, next time, they'll go to utopia.

So that's it, at least part of it. I have one more, but i'll tell you next time ok?

Breaking Free From Fear ... And Finding God :)

Have you ever felt like you were paralyzed by something…leviathan that, it stops you in your tracks altogether? I have.

See, when you’re a business person and you’re basically starting from scratch, you do a lot of forecasts about your business, of course after gauging its viability. You make prospects about your market, your plans in reaching them, how to develop more markets and how to fit in the product that you’re selling. All those entrepreneurial duties must be done, and in order for that to retroact, one must look into the distant future, as bleak as it seems.

This is where my dilemma arises. My parents, especially my mother have been reminding us about the Rapture. Rapture is that holy event wherein Almighty God calls in His sincere followers to heaven to save them from the horrendous persecution that lay ahead of the post-rapture. My mother describes it as an ordeal no other ordeals can match and will never be matched. It is, as she would imply, a taste of hell. She told me and my sister about the coming of the Antichrist, and she, based on sermons, speculated that it is the newly-elect US President Barack Obama. To substantiate this revelation, according to the Bible itself, the Antichrist is of Islam descent, similar to that of President Obama’s. The Antichrist will come when the whole world is united and when he arrives, he will be well-received. When President Barack Obama won the presidency candidacy a few months ago, the whole world rejoiced primarily because he is the very first president of the United States of America who is of African-American descent. The grim revelations she incessantly tells us is that the rapture will come by 2012, or even earlier. It could be 2011, 2010 or even 2009. She keeps telling us that we should prepare our hearts for God because if we don’t make it past the rapture, we are in for the worst kind of persecution. She tells us that there is already torture devices prepared for that. 20 years ago, there was a proposal to launch a national ID system that will track each and every living thing on this earth, and the most grim of it all, there will be a microchip that will replace credit cards and that same microchip will serve as a medium to brainwash people against God and His followers.

Now, your literary analysis would dictate that the last paragraph was completely off-track with the optimistic requirements of a budding business mentioned in the first paragraph. Allow me to merge the two as concise as I could. How could I make a 3-5 year planning forecast of my business if the Rapture will happen in 3 years, or even less than that? I am scared, not just because my business doesn’t even have time to grow in so short of a time but because I don’t think I can survive the post-Rapture events, or even if I can make it when the Rapture comes. Just by writing this whole thing the way I understood it paralyzes me completely. It is scary, but it is meant to happen, as grim as it sounds. Maybe my business is never meant to flourish, and can be considered a waste of money, but on a personal sense, will I make it through the rapture? If for instance I don’t, can I survive the post-Rapture? All these thoughts scare me witless and it’s all because of my mom’s revelation. I’m not saying she’s lying because even the Bible foresees this, but why be scared when the point of the Rapture is to gather all sincere Christians. The Bible also tells us that when this time arrives, we shouldn’t be scared, so why all the pandemonium?

I hate it that I can’t seem to even breathe just when I think about it, because in the first place, it’s supposed to pacify Christians like me because it’s at that time where God will save us from His enemies. It’s because of this fear that I can’t even make a forecast even for next year. I hate it when I’m scared because I can’t even formulate a thought when I’m scared witless, all because of Rapture. No one should be scared of the rapture, in fact, every Christian should anticipate it because it’s at that time Jesus will come for us.

I hate it when people scare, or let them scare me. The most important things in this world are our relationship with God, His people, how we have lived in this transient earth and if we have brought someone closer to God because of our actions. Why is that overshadowed by fear of not making it through the Rapture? Why let fear erase all the good things we’ve done? Isn’t it enough?

So I make a stand today, that I won’t be scared. I will live up my life in following Jesus Christ and his teachings, though I may not make it in heaven, if I can bring people closer to God, that’s enough for me. And that’s my new role, to share the gift of melody to those people who praise God. I’d like to bring them up, make their praises more sincere than they thought it was.

As for my business, it goes on, Rapture or not, it will survive. I may not be able to take it to heaven but I’m sure I’ll learn a lot of things along the way…and I’ll take those in heaven, as a testimony that I’ve made the most of my fleeting life on earth. My business will flourish, by God’s grace and His divine intercession. I shall consecrate this budding business to God. It shall be OUR business, OUR partnership, an endeavor that will bind us closer, but not as close as when I pray to Him and I read His Word. It shall be OUR defining moment, Nu Skin Enterprises.

Roberto Cavalli Pre-Fall Fashion Show 2009

For someone who made a name out of designing looks that are rock star wives and the kind that Courtney Love would wear, this collection was, by far, the most clothed and reserved Robert Cavalli ever showcased.

First up, he divided his pre-fall collection into a series of nature-inspired prints, 40s era suits mingled with silk caftans and sporty nylon anoraks, as well as cocktails dresses for those parties every Cavalli’s women must attend. Color palette wise, it came with shades of navy blues, some animal-esque prints and wavy prints.

Roberto Cavalli has deviated from the all-out glamour-in-your-face looks and went for something less coquettish and more sophisticated by using prints other than his signature animal prints. The collection could have suffered from last season’s too-many-cooks-spoiled-the-broth syndrome, although the sub-categorizations have held strongly, the overall collection may not have done as strongly as the subgroups did. Nevertheless, the collection read classic glamour Cavalli way.

My favorite look was this summer-inspired printed top with black pants (PICTURED) because it brought a sense of freedom in the collection, despite the fact that it was meant for pre-fall seasons.

For the entire 22 looks, click this link:

http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/2009PF-RBTOCVLL

A Possible Answer To My Isolation

Rummaging through our tambak earlier this afternoon, I came across this gazette of our Church and it's like Manila Bulletin's "Panorama". The Panorama is usually enclosed within the broadsheet and is circulated weekly, during weekends. This gazette of our Church is circulated only God-knows-when (because I don't know) and that's the first time I've ever seen it. It was I think about Christmas season of last year that it got published, of course within the Church. I was actually there, 20 pounds heavier back then, who knew I could lose so much in 6 months? I do.

Forgive the digression, when I saw that gazette, by sheer natural instinct, I flipped through the dusty pages, looking at pictures of some of the band members and YA peeps and skimming through the editorial-esque writings of the upper echelons in our Church. I can't help but feel that I don't belong there. When I look at myself in that gazette, I feel like I'm in the wrong place, that I am not supposed to be there, that I'm left out, that no one understands me and that I'm the odd one out. Its funny that I look like I'm meditating whilst playing my violin but in reality, I look so...wrong. What's paradoxical about this whole thing is that I am in an ideal place of total acceptance, yet I feel deprived of the same thing the place exudes, a warm, hugging arm. I cannot, for all my developed eloquence and articulacy, shed a faint light of elucidation on the matter. I don't know if it's me or them, maybe both. I know I keep to myself most of the time, primarily because, I don't know them...and I don't them to know more about me. I think they're not ready for people like me. They're probably stuck with that ancient yet degrading stereotype with my kind of people, but I can't be too sure, their diplomacy is at it's zenith, nevertheless, I'm not about to let them judge me as is, I still have my worth, for whatever benefit it can bring.

It's like everytime I see those people in our Church, I feel like I can't relate to them, like I'm Greek and they're...not Greek. Why I don't seem to find that ease I have with Chamber I can never unravel, yet. It is probably because I've known Chamber for such a long time and they have made an impact in my life. They, on the other hand...have not even scratched the surface. They can do that, given my tendency to just nag away, but I know I'll get judged, everyone does that, even myself. I won't let them do that, actually, me being distant to them is not at all safe to judgements. Everyone has their own vehement aversions over something, I guess mine is their view on my sexuality. To me, it's a blessing to be homosexual, I can understand how the guys and girls think, I can understand how much emotional girls are and how rational and levelheaded guys are. I do not understand why homosexuals are outcasted, even if they cross-dress. I fervently believe that cross-dressing is not a crime, it's an expression of what's inside, concretizing the abstract, and mainstreaming the surreal. To say the cross-dressing is a crime is like saying to wear emo-inspired outfit is answerable to the law of the land. Preposterous isn't it?

Once again, digression got me.

It's just hard for me to open up to people, at least when I'm saving up the sexuality card. No one can easily swallow if their friends are, you know...member of the third sex. It shatters their perception of that person, when that happens, they react, usually in a negative way. They misunderstand them, deny them, get angry at them, hate them. The banality of this reaction is getting old, much to my chagrin anyways. An obtuse take on matters that isn't close to home. When I know I can trust them I'll open myself up, but until that day comes...They can pretty much get disillusioned with their faux decadence perception of homosexuality.

Balenciaga Spring 2009 Collection

Balenciaga Spring 2009 Collection

Sci-fi Couture. That is what best describes Nicolas Ghesquière’s collection for this season at the Balenciaga Atelier.

The collection featured silvered Lurex over skin to cover the hands, legs and feet, drapes and structures combined asymmetrically, bonded jersey pantsuits with A-line tunic tops, very fine metallic crinkle-pleated jackets and pale suede pieces that are like tops with an embossed vest-like structure. For the cocktails, there were multiple sequined sheath dresses, some mixed with sequined jackets, some none except for the Lurex streaking. There were also dresses with frill-like skirts. The color palette started off with matte shades of baby pink and flesh-tones, building up to the glistening shades of gold, pewter, pink, green, silver seen on the dresses. For accessories, there was a shiny, chic clutch bag for every single look.

The incessant innovations of Nicolas Ghesquière have put the Balenciaga Atelier at the forefront of contemporary fashion, as is seen from this collection’s evolution of pants, which looked like sophisticated motocross. His experimentation on the fabrics and his optimal juxtaposition of drapes and structures has always been admired by fashion critics and the House’s fans, both old and new. His fascination towards futurism and sci-fi is mixed with his flair in making haute couture as prêt-a-porter (ready-to-wear) as possible. Apart from that, he offers tasteful mixing of pieces as is seen from his sequined sheath dresses, evidenced from his last Resort collection of grunge 90s. From the fourth look of blush-hued A-line tunic top onwards, the show gets better, building into a climax of scintillating sequined sheath dresses, during the finale. The meticulous details he made for the collection is exquisitely contemporary and even a little bit avant-garde, either on the men’s tuxedos or the women’s jackets. One look that stood out to me was this silver tuxedo-esque jacket with crinkled pleating on the circular shoulders and silver pants (PICTURED) because it reflects the very essence of Ghesquière’s work, sci-fi meets couture translated to ready-to-wear. The silver jacket has some pink, purple and blue details on the right sleeve and on the lower part of the jacket, while the shoulders, when hit by light, shine a lavender glisten.

These are the kind of clothing that one would prefer, not to be the same with all the others who has taken futurism as their fashion style.

For the entire collection, click this link:
http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/S2009RTW-BALENCIA

Balenciaga Spring 2009 Collection